A sad but true fact is that the UK has much funnier mathematicians than the US, including people such as Matt Parker and James Grime.

But while I generally watch any Numberphile with those two, I’m even more happy to watch a video with Hannah Fry.

She is witty, she is enthusiastic, but the thing that puts her above Matt Parker for me is that she usually presents something that is useful.

So many years ago, I watched this video:

What struck me is her tip #2: when you start dating, reject everyone until you are 37% of the way through your expected dating life and then marry the first person that comes along after that is better than everyone you went on dates with.

It struck me, yes, but not because I didn’t know that that was the best strategy. What struck me is that it was the mathematically proven best strategy. I always knew it was the best strategy; I was just surprised that math proved it so.

So how did I already know? A little pamphlet called For the Strength of Youth.

It is a pamphlet published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints containing guidance chosen, refined, worded, and carefully presented by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church, collectively and colloquially known as “the Brethren.”

Members of the Church consider those 15 men to be “prophets, seers, and revelators,” after the manner of Moses and Aaron. Faithful members strive to follow their guidance.

For the Strength of Youth is some of their guidance directed specifically at the “youth” or teenagers and young adults, and section 2 (page 4, page 9 of the PDF) is their guidance on dating.

This is the entire section:

A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better. In cultures where dating is acceptable, it can help you learn and practice social skills, develop friendships, have wholesome fun, and eventually find an eternal companion.

You should not date until you are at least 16 years old. When you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality. Invite your parents to become acquainted with those you date.

Choose to date only those who have high moral standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue.

Plan dating activities that are safe, positive, and inexpensive and that will help you get to know each other. Go only to places where you can maintain your standards and remain close to the Spirit.

Young men generally take the initiative in asking for and planning dates. Always be kind and respectful when you ask for a date or when you accept or decline one. While on a date, be courteous as you listen to others and express your own feelings.

As you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high priority. Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you for time and all eternity. Marrying in the temple and creating an eternal family are essential in God’s plan of happiness.

There is a lot in few words.

Let’s break it down.

A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better. In cultures where dating is acceptable, it can help you learn and practice social skills, develop friendships, have wholesome fun, and eventually find an eternal companion.

This is the “why” of dating.

You should not date until you are at least 16 years old.

This sentence starts the actual guidelines. The Brethren say that youth should not begin dating until they are 16.

There are a few reasons for this; the most important is maturity and self-control.

But notice that in Hannah Fry’s talk, she mentioned beginning to date at 15. That is not so different from the guideline.

But why is there a difference of a year? Well, notice that the MPOS only refers to the expected dating life. That expected dating life could be from any range of ages.

The Brethren have advised 16 for maturity, but also so there would be enough time to get a large sample before the 37% is over.

We’ll look at why later.

When you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples.

This is for safety, as in spiritual safety. A teen age 16 is still not very mature, so having guardrails is a good idea.

Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality.

Read the above quote again. Did you catch it?

The Brethren are specifically encouraging the youth to get a large sample size when they start out dating.

This follows the MPOS exactly: reject everyone at first. Hannah Fry did not say this, but this also implies going on dates with a lot of people to get a large sample size.

Why is a large sample size so important? Because then it increases your chances of finding excellent dates, and if you do find excellent dates early, you won’t settle for less, leading to a great life if you find someone better, and a good life if you don’t.

Invite your parents to become acquainted with those you date.

This is another guardrail and an important one.

Choose to date only those who have high moral standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue.

This is another guardrail, and it’s the most important one.

Plan dating activities that are safe, positive, and inexpensive and that will help you get to know each other. Go only to places where you can maintain your standards and remain close to the Spirit.

Yet another guardrail.

There are a lot of guardrails in these guidelines because dating is both important and can be spiritually dangerous if not handled properly.

Having been through dating and having succeeded in getting married, I am grateful for these guardrails.

Young men generally take the initiative in asking for and planning dates.

Yes, there are different roles for each gender.

That’s not to say that woman should never do this. My wife did once or twice.

But she preferred to just nudge me in the right direction until I did things myself.

Always be kind and respectful when you ask for a date or when you accept or decline one.

I wish that the girls I asked out had always done this. Most of them did, though.

While on a date, be courteous as you listen to others and express your own feelings.

This is a one-sentence instruction from the Brethren on how to be a better date. Unfortunately for me, I was bad at it. I still am. But it’s great advice.

Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you for time and all eternity. Marrying in the temple and creating an eternal family are essential in God’s plan of happiness.

These lines are out of order simply because they don’t matter to this post. They mostly pertain to members of the Church, and they already know what they are about.

What I really want to talk about is this:

As you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high priority.

This innocuous sentence is the other half of the MPOS.

First, there is the phrase “As you enter your adult years,” which points to some sort of transition, just like the MPOS. The second part, “make dating and marriage a high priority,” is the transition target, and it’s also exactly like the MPOS.

In essence, this sentence says that the youth should switch from dating a lot of people (“avoid going on frequent dates with the same person”) to doing exactly the opposite, specifically to develop serious relationships, aiming towards marriage.

That seems to be exactly what the MPOS says to do! But does the transition point match the 37% mark of the MPOS?

Kind of. I mean, the Brethren can’t exactly give an exact number to the youth, only a general guideline. But let’s look at what setting that 37% to entering “adult years” would do.

First of all, it’s different for males and females in the Church.

For males, the Church asks for a two-year full-time mission that can begin at age 18, and such missions are supposed to be absolutely celibate.

So a male is unavailable between 18-20. That means three years of dating before the mission (16-18). If we round 37% to 33% (one-third), then males can expect nine years of expected dating life. That means that the expected dating life of a male to end at age 26.

What have leaders of the Church said about the expected dating life of male members?

Well, the Brigham Young “menace to society” quote appears to be apocryphal, but there is this one by President George Q. Cannon:

Our boys, when they arrive at years of maturity and can take earn of a wife, should get married, and there should not be a lot of young men growing up in our midst who ought to be, but are not married. While I do not make the remark to apply to individual cases, I am firmly of the opinion that a large number of unmarried men, over the age of twenty-four years, is a dangerous element in any community, and an element upon which society should look with a jealous eye. For every man knowing himself, knows how his fellow-man is constituted; and if men do not marry, they are too apt to do something worse. Then, brethren, encourage our young men to marry, and see that they are furnished employment, so that they can marry.

– George Q. Cannon, Annual Conference at Salt Lake City, Sunday morning, April 7, 1878. Reported by George F. Gibbs. Journal of Discourses, vol. 20, p.7.

Ah, so they expected a smaller dating life than the MPOS. But 26 is perfectly respectable.

But 30 is when the Church labels adults as “adults” and not “young adults,” so that could be the line as well. Before a (semi) recent change to mission ages, men would usually serve their missions from ages 19-21, and that meant 4 years of dating (16-19) before a mission, leaving 8 years after, culminating at age 29, right before the change of label.

So for males, the expected ages do make some sense.

What about for women? Well, the Church does not ask for women to serve missions (though they are appreciated), so young women have three years of dating before adulthood (16-18) at which point they are encouraged to date for marriage, leaving six years. That would end their expected dating life at age 24.

Now, why such a small expected dating life? This might look bad, to the point that it looks like the guidance from the Brethren does not match the MPOS for women.

You can certainly argue that, but I don’t think so. I believe this is good for women.

There have been studies that the older a woman gets, the less “value” she has on the dating market.

What I mean is that when dating, a woman can expect better matches the younger she is, once she is an adult. This means that getting married earlier rather than later is better for a woman, on average, and age 24 is around the prime of life for a woman.

Thus, I think it is good that the Brethren set the same guideline for women; if it results in a shorter expected dating life, that is good, and I would encourage all women to try to hit it.

It may not happen that way, of course; it’s just a guideline, and I think that God likes to play matchmaker in ways we never expect.

In other words, I strongly believe that the guidelines set by the Brethren follow the MPOS as exactly as general guidelines can.

I followed these guidelines. I believe it is for this reason that I met and married my wife. Mathematically, it was going to happen. (No one else was asking her out.) God made it happen when opposition arose.

The result was the plain, old me got married to a woman that was once encouraged to take up modeling as a career!

It certainly worked out for me, and it will work out for you, even if you find nobody good enough.